My wonderful mom called and I discussed it with her.  I have to say I have the best mom in the world.  The best thing about my mom is she always has my back.  No matter what it is she is there for me with love, support and ideas.  It means a lot to know you always have your mom.  Mom and I talked about it at length at the height of my funk.  I don’t think I even had a chance to list all of the reasons why I deserved to be depressed and demotivated.  The number one take away I took from talking with mom was 1) don’t make any drastic decisions and 2) look to get involved in other things in the community, volunteer or whatever to fulfill my needs in other ways.

Then I think I talked with Krista.  I felt awful talking to Krista about my funk given that her new husband is fighting for our country in Afghanistan, so I get it my problems are relatively small.  One of things that has been bothering me is if Elliott and I ever did decide to start a family it is seemingly impossible. From a time perspective it seems impossible, I am guessing a baby is slightly more work than a potty trained 2 year old black lab mix who sleeps all day and can be left alone for 4 hours in his kennel.  And then financially it seems we will never be in a comfortable place to have a baby, especially now when we are making basically 1/2 of what we used to.  I know I used the word “never” because these are great funk words if you really want to keep yourself down and in the dumps.  Anyway Krista has her own baby making limitations right now given the other half of the equation isn’t in this country and she was pretty casual about the whole thing, so I figured, whatever, we aren’t ready right now and if or when we are we will figure it out, no need fabricated problems to worry about, so I let that one go for the time being.

Then I talked to Holly and a guy who “sells toilet paper for a living”  Dave who may or may not remember to read my blog after I shared it with him at a commercial real estate mixer.  Holly suggested reading the book Mojo, which I have since ordered.  She said the jest of it is to write down your goals and then look at how you spend your time and commit to either 1) remove those things not supporting your goals from your day, 2) delegate those things, or 3) realize that those things are necessary to get to your goal and suck it up.  When I asked her what her goals were she said she didn’t really follow that part but the rest helped her get out of her funk.  I actually have spent some time thinking about my goals, with my over arching mission being Fulfilled & Balanced and I have broken that down into several parts so this talk reminded me that perhaps I should refocus on what I want and driving towards that, this reminder really helped.  Dave and I talked at length about my funk, he heard a similar schpeel as mom did every reason in the book for my funk.  Dave I think was in the camp of make a big change, follow your gut, what do you what you think will make you happy, what do you have to lose.  My kind of guy, at least someone agrees with my idea of giving up everything and becoming a… fill in the blank… this week I think it is teacher.  The reason I spilled my guts to Dave was because he told me he was living the dream at which point I think I put my hands my hips and said dream huh, I would love to know what that is because I am in a funk.  Anyway Dave used to be in the Afghanistan and Iraq being shot at and now he has a good paying job, that sounds pretty low stress, and he lives in SF which he claims is one of the greatest places in the world, I don’t know I think Oakland is pretty cool, and he said he is happy.

Then…. I had lunch with Heidi, the president and owner of a law firm I know from one of the groups I am in.  She recommended another book: When Work Doesn’t Work Anymore which I also ordered and we talked about why women define themselves by their work.  She also said though that in order to run a business it is imperative to love what you do and so she thought it was important to be mindful of these signs.  She was also in the camp of not making any rash decisions and she also shared with me the name of her psychiatrist in case I wanted to talk to someone.     Now I fully hope no one is being judgmental at this moment, are you?  Are you?  Don’t do it.  Being a business owner with your husband is a really lonely place and its easy to get lost in your head with the stress, fears, doubts and uncertainties, so this is an outlet that I may consider, but for now I am just sitting on her contact info.

Jen and I also talked about funks, and I mostly got to tell my bursting in public tears story which felt good because I hadn’t got to tell anyone yet about how or why this happened.  She is in a funk too, so it was really helpful to know that many other people are going through a rough patch now, I think its something in the air, the economy has been tough on a lot of people, there are not many jobs out there so I think there is this feeling among a lot of people of being stuck in your current job and I think this leads to funks.

Lastly I had some email correspondence with one of my old bosses, Chris.  Chris emailed me on a whim for nothing special and he said the age old email closer, “Hope all is well with you”.  I use that one a lot too.  Well I couldn’t in my heart of hearts write back “Everything’s great, hope everything is great with you too”.  So as I have been doing in the last week and a half I said things are ok, in a bit of a funk but working on it.  So Chris and I had some email correspondence, because he is the kind of guy that didn’t just let that go.  Chris also recommended that I get my priorities straight.  He shared with me his: “1) God 2) wife 3) kids 4) other relationships … work is mixed in somewhere later with all the other stuff”.  Oh I didn’t mention that Krista also hinted that she has been working on going to church and getting confirmed and she said that going to church has helped her a lot.  Well I feel so bad because I know this is a sore spot for any family or friends who know that my religious status is agnostic which I continually have to explain doesn’t mean I am an atheist like someone I know but I am just not sure what, who, or how we all got here.  And given Chris’ priority list I can’t help but wonder how he balances this.  If God is #1 how do you work for 8+ hours a day designing buildings?  Shouldn’t he work for a church or be on a mission or something?  I think this is where I get confused how do you balance these priorities and goals and things?  How does how you spend a majority of your day not fall into #1, 2 or 3?  Well anyway I haven’t figured this out yet but am hoping one of the books I ordered will shed some light on the topic.  What I did decide was I can’t afford to let work get me down in every other aspect of my life.  So I am genuinely better today.  Not cured.  But on my way towards better days.  And funny Elliott has now stepped up as the grumpous.  We often joke that if both of are ever in a good mood at the same time the world may end.  Not sure what it is but we seem to balance each other out for good or bad.

Ok so here is my question to my blog friends who may have skipped their way through to this point or may have actually read all of my long winded craziness.  What is your priority list?  And if you want to expand on that does it match how you spend your resources?  Elliott and I will be working on this as well.

I wish I could name why the slumps happen.  Although given the recent changes in our lives I suppose its not entirely surprising that I am not perfectly peachy.  I heard a presentation recently on change and the speaker called the average change experience a J curve.  Where you start at the left end of the J and then you go down hill learning and adjusting to this new thing before you break thru to the power and wonder of the new thing on the upper end of the J.  I can only hope I am at the bottom of the trough.

This slump most recently culminated in a crying spree that was unfortunately witnessed by my husband, mom, dad and oldest sister.  One of my finer moments  Unfortunately that was weeks ago and I have since made no progress at improving the situation.  Yesterday my first attempt at change was to workout (push ups, wall squats, and the plank) something I have done off and on recently although not very well or consistently.  That helped a little I think.  I am also going to remove coffee from my diet, again.  I thought I could handle it but I think it makes me crazy.  The other day before I knew it after eating lunch, a good full balanced meal, I then ate the equivalent of another meal using things like chocolate, almond butter, fruit and nut bars and even then to top it off a Clif Bar.  I know that sounds silly but having lost weight on the 28 day, Paleo eating plan, to then eating a pile of junk food, to put on weight and see my thin pants get tight, its demotivating, makes me feel bloated, grose, and out of control, instead I feel like chocolate controls me.  I think that has been one of the changes that has been hard.  We basically stripped out from our lives pleasure from food.  And while we have talked about it and thought about it I don’t think we have resolved adding that pleasure back in in other places.  So some days I think maybe I should just go back to being my old weight, which wasn’t that bad, took less work to plan good meals, I could eat out more, and “enjoy” foods and drinks.  The sad thing is Elliott and I have our budget so locked down I don’t think I could afford to go buy back all new clothes, so I feel stuck.

What else is bothering me.  Well I feel a little trapped by this great company we have started.  I know that is horrible and awful to say but its true.  Some days it is wonderful and affords us a great deal of flexibility and freedom, and for that I am generally grateful.  Although other days it sucks.  The work is not always very hard, stimulating or gratifying but yet we have to keep doing it to keep making money because there are no other jobs out there right now so love the one you have.  Well that doesn’t always work.  Its also incredibly stressful to have removed the middle man.  Before if I wanted a raise or was unhappy there was this guy standing between me and the other guy I could talk to and put my problems on. Now there is no guy its just us and our client, which by the way we are still working for “the man” our man just moved from our “boss” to our client.  Anyway now I have no leverage, I want a raise… well look at the accounting and see if you can pay yourself more.  The work is not gratifying… well go out and get more gratifying work or love the one you have.  Its empowering and demotivating all in the same.

To top it all off working with your husband makes everything harder.  So when either of us is in a professional slump it becomes a personal slump and our marriage has begun to feel and look like a stereotypical marriage to me, in plane words the honeymoon is over.  The real tough world has set in and its not all roses anymore.  And that makes me sad.  Yet I am at loss for how to get that back.

So the other night I decided I am going to make a change.  Some change for the better.  I am going to shake things up.  I am not quite sure what that will entail but I hope that it will be fun, exciting, and renewing.

Shiloh is a about 2 year old, they think, black labrador retriever and chow mix.  He was rescued from Tehachapi where we have been told he was the town dog.  We have driven through Tehachapi, we stopped and had lunch there on one of our driving trips to Las Vegas.  We really liked that area its beautiful country in the mountains and is high desert.  We are not sure much of the rest of his history although we have tried to guess where some of his funny habits might have come from.  He is a gorgeous dog.  I don’t think he looks much like a chow although his face is rounder than a labs and he does have the Kulesza family eye brow anxienty wrinkle to match his mommy’s (note I am mommy and Elliott is daddy, in case that wasn’t obvious).  From what we have heard a woman in Tehachapi was worried about him, I presume because of him living on the streets and perhaps the danger of cars so he was sent to the pound, they shipped him up here and a lady we were communicating with about adopting a dog recommended him to us.

We met him first to see if we thought he would be a good fit.  He was being boarded by a sweet lady who lives in Petaluma about 45 miles north of us.  There were lots of other dogs there.  When we arrived many of them started barking, Shiloh on the other hand never made a peep.  He ran around a little crazy like for a few minutes seemingly taunting the other dogs that he was out and we took him for a walk so we could see his temperament away from the other barking boarders.  We walked him for quite a bit.  Talked about it at length and decided he was great.  At one point I asked him to “sit” which he didn’t do and I decided we would have our work cut out for us.  We told the lady we needed to get our things in order and we would pick him up in a few days which we did.

We bought him a crate, a pretty nice plush bed, food, bowls, treats and toys.  We were prepared for the investment.  When we picked him up we knew he didn’t like cars to the three of us, the nice land, Elliott and I all coaxed him into the car.  He immediately started drooling profusely and  I felt regret well up as I pictured our concrete floors sloppy with drool from this dog we had just adopted, what did we do.  It turns out he only drools in the car, thank goodness.  More on the car later.

He was great when we got him home.  He was a little tentative about the stairs, actually I think he still is but he has gotten used to them.  We took him for several walks and we started mentally logging his ones and twos so we would know when he needed to go on walks.  They say dogs should go out within 30 mins of feeding and we feed him twice morning and night.  We also take him for an afternoon potty break as well which seems to work well.

I think the first day he checked out his crate all on his own.  We were really surprised.  So after a few times of him going in it we closed the door like we read on the internet.  He didn’t care, no whining.  So then after another few more times we closed the door and left the house with him locked in it.  They say not to make a big deal about leaving or coming home so we didn’t we just walked out nonchalantly like no big deal as our hearts broke when we got outside, we didn’t want him to feel unloved.  Amazingly this worked with no whining and no problems.  The first few nights he slept in the crate for some of the night.  Then a few nights after he first joined us he was up in the middle of the night, walking around, upstairs, downstairs, making a big raucous, it was awful.  Ever since then he sleeps in the crate with the door closed!  That has worked pretty well.  So now if we both need or want to leave we point in the crate and say “kennel”.  He goes in somewhat unexcitelyd.  We say “good boy!” and then we go like its no big deal.

Interestingly it turns out he does know “sit”.  Which he will do for a treat, or if you hold a ball long enough during a fetching session, for his food, or when instructed although it sometimes takes two or three times.  He has learned to sit when we put his leash on.  Sometimes he will sit waiting to cross the street at a red light.  We make him sit when he goes crazy trying to chase birds and squirrels, so today when Elliott was trying to calm him down with out even a request for a sit he sat anyway, which elicited another “good boy!”

We have had only two accidents in the house, only number 1, and both preceded by obvious signs requesting to go out and we just didn’t react fast enough.

He goes well on walks and doesn’t mark every bush along the way which is good although lately he has been more into marking his territory which we are not a big fan of.  We work hard to always walk him by some good grassy areas.  We do live in a downtown area although there are still quite a few landscaped areas and a neighborhood park.  Although sometimes we will take him for a walk that includes a destination for us, perhaps a coffee shop or grocery store.  This has resulted in a few so far sidewalk poopings.  This has been an unfortunate experience each time.  The first time it happened he did it right in front of the Courtyard Marriott and the bellman standing at the door.  Elliott and I apologized and explained this had ever happened before.  We continued walking, we made a couple stops and then on the way back home as we passed the Marriott Elliott was preparing to joke with the same bellman that we had brought our dog back and then he did it again, pooped on the sidewalk in front of the Marriott, double embarrassing.  We do not respond to this behavior with our common “good boy!” although what are going to do with a dog who lives in downtown, if he has to go, he has to go.  Fortunately I think his stomach is now calmed down, used to his food and walking schedule so I think those instances will be less common.

We are working to know the right way to train him, we are in pursuit of a dog training class although we haven’t managed to get it scheduled yet.  Meanwhile the most entertaining part has been Elliott’s attempt to use the right voice.  So far he has adapted an angry voice which somehow doesn’t come out nearly as naturally as mine does.  And he has also learned that sometimes a good high pitched voice is needed to inspire excitement and motivation so Elliott tries to mimic my tone which is really entertaining.

During our first weekend we did take him for a pretty good hike.  It ended up being about 6 miles, not very hilly, although a little hot.  A little more than halfway through our lazy dog started to lay down in the shade and not continue on.  We gave him lots of water, he continued to pee (so no dehydration at least I think) but he was acting like he couldn’t go another step.  He would lay down and drink the water and we would dig in and make us drag him if we asked him to come.  It was painfully awful.  Elliott’s friend Brad was there.  We stopped often to let him cool down and drink water until we realized that at that pace we would never get back.  So eventually we learned we had to run through the shaded areas with him saying “come on Shiloh, come on Shiloh, good boy, come on…” it was awful.  If it was his first day at boot camp I think he would have been kicked out. Apparently he is not a big hiker, we are going to have to work on that and his endurance.

The other issue has been the car.  He hates the car.  Early on we tried to teach him that the car went to fun places like the dog park.  But leaving the dog park we would lay down in the parking lot and not get near the back of the car.  We would have to lift up his front paws and put them in the car and then lift up his rear legs to boost him into the car.  It was embarrassing and ridiculous.  The pinnacle though was when we took him for a ride too close to having had dinner and he threw up twice in the car including once on his bed.  I didn’t know what to do.  I was by myself and it was the night of the “Oakland riots” so I didn’t want to stop so I kept driving, he stood up hovering over his throw up the entire way home.  Since then we are now on a slow progression plan to learn that the car is a good place to get him over his anxiety of the car.

Ok last story, 4th of July.  Elliott went to see the fireworks in the city with his friend.  I fed Shiloh and took him for kind of  late after dinner walk.  We went down a couple of blocks and someone set off a load firework of some sort, Shiloh bolted, the leash pulled tight and tried to run I don’t know where.  I calmed him down and he stopped running.  I realized I would need to get him home and it was good because he had already done his business.  We turned the corner to go home and another firework nearby went off.  That was it, Shiloh attempted to sprint the entire way home.  I restrained as best I could in my flip flops although he pulled me basically the entire way home, he turned the corner to our street and then sniffed every entrance door and I had to coax him onward to our door.  I opened the door, he ran upstairs and laid down behind the loft wall for the rest of the night.  I consoled him as best I could but it was really one of the saddest things I have ever seen.

Ok final final story, this one is from tonight.  We bought him a long leash so we could work on training and its nice because we can take him to the park and he can run around and we don’t have to worry about him running into the street.  Also we determined that he loves the soccer ball so he will chase after the ball, pick it up in his mouth and its hilarious.  So tonight we were playing with him when he had to do a number 2.  Elliott picked it up, handed the leash to me and said I will be right back I am going to throw this away.  Elliott proceeded to run across the park.  Shortly thereafter Shiloh took off in a dead sprint after Elliott with me holding the leash.  I knew he would reach the end of the leash so I yelled at him Shiloh and before I knew what happened he reached the end of the leash and I became air born, I hit the ground and then slid another few inches.  The shear momentum of his 60 pounds was amazing.  I rolled over on my back and tried to catch my breath.  Both Elliott and Shiloh ran to my assistance.  Elliott, smartly controlled his laughter and I think was surprised to see me so shook up.  I wasn’t really hurt although I do think I will have a few bruises I was more a mix of startled and embarrassed.  Later when I could laugh about it Elliott got a good chuckle out about it and he told me that Shiloh and an equally violent reaction on his end of the leash.  Elliott said I should have started running or let go of the leash, all great ideas I agree.  I think Shiloh forgave me and hopefully he learned not to do that, although I highly doubt it.

That’s it for now.  I wanted to document some of our dog stories to date.  We are so happy we got a dog.  We have gotten a lot of great walking and playing in because of it and he really does lighten our day.

The thing I haven’t figured out yet though is how far to take that.  Most of the things I read are pretty clear that “cheat” days are ok.  And that some “cheat” days actually make generally for more success, because all out binges become less likely, and you don’t feel completely deprived.  So when we celebrated Elliott’s birthday I selected an entree that was a great pick, and then we ordered dessert.  So how dessert fall into, Food is nutrition?  If food is nutrition, and chocolate molten cake is food, how do I rectify that?  To expand my food is nutrition, this actually came to me after consuming a large unnecessary muffin of some sort, the details are not important.  I wasn’t really hungry.  I didn’t even feel great after the muffin.  But at the moment I wanted it.  Dwelling on that decision I wrote in my notebook, Food is nutrition.  It feeds my body and my mind.  So does chocolate molten cake then really need to be part of my life?    I mean ideally I would much rather “celebrate” something with something that is all out good for me, like a sunrise hike, or some time on the bay perhaps in a boat.  Why is it we “treat” ourselves with food?  And is it possible or necessary to give up or re-wire these “treats” in order to truly understand that Food is nutrition?  I don’t know.

What is has led to though is we have given up drinking alcohol.  That has been completely non interesting from our own little world of just the two of us because we don’t really drink that often.  Although for some reason alcohol seems to be the pinnacle around many social situations.  I can’t tell you how many times people have referenced having us over for a drink, or going out for a drink, since we started our hiatus on June 15.  Its been uncanny.  Most people do not understand giving up drinking.  I am not sure we totally do, although we pinky swore on it so we are sticking with it.  Here is the thing, most people don’t think alcohol is all that bad for you.  In fact there are many studies saying some small amount of red wine and even beer, I think even daily, may be good for you.  However, consistently I make bad decisions after drinking.  Rather they be eating decisions, dancing on tables decisions, or driving decisions, they are all less than smart.  And I don’t feel good the next day.  So why do I do that to myself?  To facilitate increased social experiences?

So here is my question to myself.  How do I merge Food is nutrition with enjoying life and our culture that is built around food and alcohol as a centerpiece for social interaction and celebration?  I will let you know what I figure out on my journey to fuel my body, my mind, and beyond!

In this case we are actually sprinting for the bursts because it is amazing simple and as it turns out amazingly hard.  We went to a park with a large open field.  We did wear our five fingers because we don’t do anything half way and the Primal author thinks they are the bees knees.  We warmed up by jogging for a few minutes.  Then we did 8 sets of all out sprint for 20 seconds followed by 10 seconds of rest.  So the hard part was done in 4 minutes.  Pretty quick for a workout huh.  It was hard.  Really hard.  Our lungs were burning by the end.  It was fun and rewarding.  We are looking forward to doing more of these.  For more info about sprints and for a video visit: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/what-are-tabata-sprints/

My first leg was just shy of 5 miles.  It was during the day probably at about 3pm, if I remember correctly.  It was blustery out, not hot, not too cold, I think I wore shorts and a shirt.  I ran out of the hand off pretty quickly.  The adrenaline of the “race” and being part of a team is pretty cool.  I was running a little too fast, faster than I thought I could maintain so I eventually metered it down to a more typical pace.  After awhile I did start to feel as if I couldn’t get enough air.  I am not sure if that was all in my head or if I really could feel the elevation distance coming from sea level to high sierras.  I ultimately had a pretty good run, was a little slower than I would have liked, felt like crap, although the idea of the team waiting for me at the end kept me going.  Although it did weigh on my mind that I had two more legs to run.

After that leg I was relieved, I had a protein shake, some dates (carbs, high-glycemic fruit) and almonds my traditional recovery shake in pieces.  I immediately felt better and I like I could run some more, a great feeling to have in the middle of relay!  Elliott and I ran first and second in our van so the next few hours were spent dropping off runners at their starts, cheering them on along the way while driving by and then picking up a runner and dropping a new one off.  Its quite an experience.  Its a bit rushed because there is this hurry to get the next runner to the next check station so they can put on their shoes, stretch and go to the bathroom before the previous runner shows up.  Then you hydrate that runner, let them stretch, and get back in the car and do it again.

After our last runner completed their leg it was time for dinner.  We drove ahead past the legs our other van would be doing and parked where we would pick up in South Lake Tahoe.  There was a Baja Fresh in the parking lot so that became our dinner spot.  I ate a burrito much larger than anything I have had in one sitting in awhile although I justified that I needed my energy.  I don’t think that hurt me later except for a few almost emergency trips to the port-a-potty that were perfectly timed before runs, during or after would have been much more uncomfortable, well then…

After dinner it was time to catch some sleep.  Part of our van went to a friends house and the three of us with the first three legs spread out in the truck in the parking lot to get some sleep before we would run again.  I sprawled out in the back seat, Elliott slept in the passenger seat and Leon slept in the driver’s seat.  I use the word slept loosely, personally I may have slept for 1 hour at most, even though we were laying down in the truck for almost 2 hours.  Between the noise of the other runner in the parking lot, the lights, and just the excitement of the entire event it was tough to sleep.

Elliott was first to run so he got up and started waking up his muscles by walking around outside.  I stayed in the warmer truck until I had to get out to cheer him off.  He had a long grueling run up Kingsbury summit.  As we drove up it Leon and I felt so bad for Elliott who we knew would be trekking up it one foot in front of the other.  I hate hills.  Thank goodness I didn’t have to run up it.  I would have been miserable.  Elliott though he has a strong low gear and he powered up the hill in great time.  He handed the headlamp off to me, and in my blinking vest I took off down the grade.  My run was a little over 4 miles of pure downhill.  I have never run downhill like that before.  It was a wierd experience.  You could almost run effortlessly, and fast.  I struggled to get my headlamp right where I could see in front of me without the bouncing of the light in my face.  I held the lamp for awhile and eventually settled into having it on my head.  It was dark, and quite.  I saw a few runners only.  I was passed by two guys who I tried to keep in my sights to keep my sanity but both of them eventually pulled away.  My mind was pretty busy.  I was happy each time I saw a car or headlights just to know I wasn’t totally alone out there.  At one point I saw a car coming the other way and these huge fast moving shadows shot across the guardrail on the other side of the road.  I was sure it was that of two bears and I braced for a quick and painless attack.  Although as the car passed there was nothing.  I convinced myself it was just the shadow of the car and I picked up the pace I continued down the hill.  When I finally saw the accumulation of cars and people at the check point I bounded even faster, I had made it.  I hadn’t been eaten by a bear or kidnapped by some man looking for a hot sweaty runner chick.  And I had made great time!

Again we cheered on the rest of our van and then we went to the next rest point which was at the end of our legs.  The next van was waiting there for us to take the baton and finish their 3rd leg (they started in Reno).  We would sleep there in the Walmart parking lot before driving to Virginia city where we take it from there back to Reno.  Elliott and I pulled out our full length cots, sleeping backs, and slept in the open air, it was glorious!  I don’t think we got much more than 1 hour sleep again although it still was enough to feel rested, as rested goes.

With that it off to our last leg.  Elliott had another hill, this time Geiger grade.  He again did a stellar job and I had about 1 mile of the hill to finish up.  I powered through, ran the whole thing and I was never so happy to see the Geiger summit sign!  After that I picked up all the time I lost going downhill.  Running downhill after running uphill is even better because you feel like you deserve the downhill.  This time I pushed it even harder.  Consequently I have a toe nail that I think will eventually fall off although it was totally worth it.  With that we were done!  The rest of our van had a few grueling legs to finish, some over 6 miles long and in what turned out to be a pretty hot day.

Overall it was a great time.  Our nutrition was a bit goofy given we ate more salt (trail mix) and grains (clif bars) than normal.  And it didn’t help that for dinner that night I had several cocktails and beers to celebrate.  Actually I woke up the next morning and my face was a little swollen!  I am not sure if that was from all of the salt, gluten, alcohol or all of the above!  Anyway it was a great time, it gave us something to work towards, it kept us running and in shape, we met new people, and we pushed ourselves to a level we wouldn’t have without the confines of the team and the race.  Now we have to figure out whats next.  I think Elliott is lobbying for Hood to Coast.  We shall see.

We brought home: strawberries, mixed asian greens, spinach, lettuce, bok choy, chard, radishes, sweet potatoes, grapefruit, carrots and green garlic – the boxes are pre-made, everyone gets the same thing.  Quite a colorful and delicious spread.  This meant for many more food meals and less blended meals which I think Elliott enjoyed.  We only breakfast and recovery shakes.  The veg came with a great newsletter with a couple of recipes that was very helpful.  The box also suggest the order to eat the food which was helpful so that the more sensitive things didn’t go bad.

We ate the asian mixed greens Saturday night in a gorgeous salad.  About halfway through I spotted something moving on my plate.  Being a city girl I am not sure I can properly identify the salad stowaway.  If I had to guess I would say it was the smallest caterpillar ever to have lived.  It was tiny, couldn’t hurt a soul.  It was white and mostly opaque, although may have been a bit translucent I think.  This ended the salad eating all together for Elliott.  I decided to follow suit except I did pick out my carrots and radish.  So far we haven’t found anything else alive in our veg.

I have been working to be flexible with the sweet potatoes.  Since we started our new diet we have avoided what most Paleo types call starchy tubers.  I was determined to eat these veggies that made their way into our house without stressing about the carb content.  I think I have done ok, although with all of the food meals I do feel not quite as light this week.  It is either the potatoes, the possible mis-calculation of fat (which is harder with whole food meals), or all in my head.

I am excited for next week although also a little scared that the box may be a exact replica of this week and the magic and excitement may wear off.  If that happens we will resolve to find new recipes for these fresh veggies and continue to try this new piece of our healthy, local eating.

First our new eating lifestyle is going well.  We have worked to blend in a mix of normal life, eating out, cocktails and dinner parties into our mix.  We want to be able to do these things every once in awhile without stressing out over what we are eating and also while maintaining a healthy diet.  I would say overall it has been successful.  Often times we will find ourselves at one of these normal situations and we will find our reptile (that is the part of our brain that fears it may starve tomorrow so one should consume all calories within sight at any given moment) takes control.  That looks like one piece of bread into your mouth, and then another piece of bread, and then perhaps bread with butter, and then if there is bread left after the meal one more piece for good measure.  Considering bread is not one of the things we would commonly eat any more that becomes pretty entertaining.  We have worked though to enjoy those moments, be aware of the feelings, and not beat ourselves up about it.  Most rewarding  and what keeps me going was I did go shopping again and I found that I easily fit into a size 4.  I used to wear a size 8, a solid 8, and on bad weeks a 10.  I think I rarely wore a 6 and now I am easily a 6 and on good weeks a 4, pretty cool.

So it was a good thing we practiced this diet flexibility because last week we went to Texas for one week.  We visited Elliott’s grandparents, his mom’s mom and dad, and his dad’s mom, his uncle, and his dad (who has three kids, two who are half siblings to Elliott).  I can honestly say Texas and California might as well be in different country’s!   Ok that’s a little dramatic.  However I don’t think vegetables and fruit are a common part of the Texan diet.  I tried explaining to someone that potatoes aren’t really a vegetable, at least in my book, vegetables are leafy and non-starchy.  We ate more meat than one can imagine including bacon and dried sausage.  We watched the kids eat lots of candy, and Elliott even broke down for a flash back moment and had a snow cone.  I don’t mean to sounds snobby about it… its just when you focus on eating lots of veggies (3 times as many veggies as protein) and minimal carbs and instead you find yourself eating eggs, sausage and toast for breakfast you wonder what your body is going to think.  Well my body did ok.  Fortunately we ran quite a bit while we were there so I think that helped.  I managed only to put on about 2 pounds, which considering what I know that’s not bad.  That was the result of some Oreo cookies (you just can’t say no to grandparents), brownies, banana cake, a huge meal at a Brazilian BBQ place (oh my), and I can’t even recount what else but it got sketchy there, oh… I did even have a donut, again you can’t say no to grandparents.

I told Elliott by the end of the trip I didn’t feel as good, he said it was all in my mind but  my pants definitely fit tighter.  We have been home for a few days and I think I have just about repaired the damage made and I am feeling better and better.

Ok I need to go soon, I know these get too long to even read.  The only other thing I will say is I don’t think I am allergic to spandex.  I think it might be my soap that and stress.  All I know is right now it is gone.  I am going to my annual check up soon, to a new dr who I believe is also a dermatologist, I am going to review it with her then, although I am not sure what she can say about looking at clear skin where I used to have a problem although I am hoping she might be able to pin point what it could be so I can be sure to avoid.  Anyway at this point its 100% aloe vera soap and I am hoping that continues to do the trick.

All in all life is good right now.  Work is pretty busy, billings are great.  Elliott and I are healthy.  I am working on writing down my goals and focusing on achieving them this year in search of fulfillment and balance.   We are looking at a summer calendar full of friends, family, some running, some music, even camping.  And right now I am pretty excited.  We have some exciting things coming up that I will work to take time to document here later.  Till then…

So I have spent a couple hours today researching the products they have available and we will definitely be visiting them to pick up some things.  Funny thing is we would have gone there today, however we were not able to get a hold of them.  They ask that you call ahead and in typical laid back hippie fashion they haven’t returned my message yet, I find that totally funny and ironic.  What will we be getting?  Chia seeds – I think I may use these in place of the Arbonne fiber we have been using in smoothies, they are also a good source of good fats.  Maca – a root that is great for energy and apparently better sex drive (oh my, yes I did write that in a blog I know my mother reads, hi mom, love you!).  Kale Chips – these are simply baked kale, a good treat for those who have given up starchy tubers like potatoes the more common chip component.  And lastly Elliott has requested Wizards Paste, which I believe is a chocolate type mixture with 12 or so “superfoods”.  When the hippies get around to calling us back we will go check out their store/house, purchase some of these items and work on bringing them into our diet.  I am pretty excited to try something new.

On another note, the jury is still out on whether or not coconut oil is “good” for you.  Some people say its a saturated fat so its not good, others say its one of natures best foods.  I tried it in my smoothie and liked it.  Then one night I was talking to our friends who are from India about it and she told me that she uses it in her hair.  She also shared a story that one time she went to someones house and they drizzled it on food, she thought that was disgusting.  Since I had tried it in food first I was thankful that it hadn’t been ruined for me and I then proceeded to try it as a beauty product.  I rubbed it on my skin area problems for several days before getting in the shower.  I think there is a small chance the residual on my hands made my face break out… although other than that it was soothing.  Then today I put it on my hair for a few hours.  I showered tonight and afraid it was going to be too greasy I shampoo’d twice, do you think that negates all the benefit?  So then I conditioned to try and get the benefit back.  I didn’t blow dry or do my hair and its still slightly damp so I can’t comment on if I think it was helpful or not, although it did feel fun.  I kind of want to take a bath in the stuff it feels so rich.

Lastly, my final hippie act for the day is researching how to make our own almond milk.  We go through so much of this stuff I thought it would be good to see if making it ourselves is an option.  I first compared the potential price savings and I don’t think the savings is so great as to be a motivator in itself.  However I do think that the amount of the containers we throw away would be greatly reduced and thereby I think worth it.  That is easy to say having not yet made it. It doesn’t look that hard though.  Some people blanch the almonds, others don’t.  I think I would skip the blanching.  I think I would soak them overnight though.  And then you blend in water and strain in cheese cloth.  Sounds pretty easy.  We just bought a bunch of almond milk today, including a case (that’s how much we use) so when we almost exhaust that supply I am going to try making a batch to see if I think it is a viable option rather than purchasing it.

Given my recent aversion to spandex, I am afraid I may soon be caught up in a raw food, hemp clothing, tree hugging movement and no longer be recognizable to my friends and family.  If that happens I am sorry.  I love you all.  Peace, love and gratitude, love your hippie sister, daughter and friend, teresa (aka raindancer)

The delivery was not of the pizza but my new 100% cotton bra.  I have never been so happy to see the mail man.  I charged into the lobby to recover my package and boy am I happy.  It doesn’t have the same push up padding that I used to look for in my bras although that is ok.  I purchased the bra with a tank and new undies from Cottonique my perhaps new favorite retailer.  And the package was shipped from a warehouse in Reno which made me laugh.

Now if our Arbonne box would just arrive.  We  have been out of fiber for a few days and I am not happy about it.  I have been working to pour more veggies into my shakes to get my rubbish (as I think Krista would say) although I think my tummy really likes having a scoop a day of the fiber.  Plus we have some fizzy tabs (vitamin b and green tea caffeine) coming as well and those are wonderful.

Oh and we sold our Subaru, I think….  I just went to Craiglist to take down the posting.  We decided we don’t need two cars.  And there is this great thing called Zip Car that when we need a car there are always several in the neighborhood that you can go pick up for a fee and rent basically if needed.  So if we need to be two places at once first we are going to work to use more public transportation and if that doesn’t work one of us will get a Zip Car.  And with the money from the Subaru we are going to pay off one of our last remaining pieces of debt which is from a loan we took to buy stock in BJG; we all know how that ended!  We really, really want to move past that chapter in our life and paying off that loan will be a perfect way to not have that monthly reminder.  So this nice couple came tonight.  Drove the car. Came back and asked if we were flexible on the price.  The offered less than we were asking for, although more than the cheap people on Craigslist who try to haggle with you over email, and I think its a fair amount for both of us.  Win-win.  They said they need some time to get the money, hey I can understand that.  So we shook on it that they would buy the car next week when we get back from LV.  They asked us to take good care of it so I feel good about our deal, I think they really want it.  That’s it for today.  Off to have some detox tea and look up a recipe for sardines!   Anyone up for Sardines with breakfast at Kathi’s on Saturday?  They are a great protein!