teresa

creeped out onto our fourth floor patio.  I looked around and saw no one.  So I threw my first penny toward the fountain at the ground floor below and just out of reach of a toss.  I missed.  I threw the next one, this time I made my target with a kerplump unfortunately out of earshot.  About that time Elliott realized that I had stepped outside to dispose of our pennies in the only fashion that didn’t seem to be bad luck.  And as if transported back to elementary school he looked at me with frustration, a look that said, I want to play too.  I shared half of my pennies with him, which was only about six each.  I think he missed his first shot too.  I eventually found that holding the penny vertically and with a rolling motion was most efficient for making the distance without looking really winding up.  I didn’t make a wish with each beyond the wish for continued stumblings upon moments of simple joy.

I think Elliott thinks the penny should be abandoned by the government.  I think if soda machines at least excepted them that they would be good for something other than fountains.  I learned from someone not sure if was my parents or who that you shouldn’t throw away money, even if its a penny, I think it puts a hex on you based on your apparent frivolous nature.  So what should we do with our pennies?

Today I awoke out of the doldrums.  I knew February was going to be a tough month although I didn’t know it would literally take it until March 1 for me to find my shine.

This morning when I finally got out of bed and showered I went to put on my wedding ring and I realized I hadn’t cleaned it in probably months.  I soaked it, brushed it, and washed it off to expose its sparkle.  I had been too busy to do this pretty simple task.  I noticed it wasn’t shining anymore although I just didn’t even stop to remember I had the power to fix it.  My attitude had been closely tracking the condition of my ring.  I think I have finally emerged from my stupor.  What is my equivalent to soaking, brushing and a good wash you ask….

First of all I said no to the ridiculous idea of spending 3-4 hours traveling to a 4 hour meeting today.  I should have gone, I was supposed to go, although it was not what I needed today.  So instead I vegged last night and this morning and I watched more episodes than I care to admit of Chuck.  This is my new favorite show.  I know pretty impressive for someone who doesn’t own a tv, problem is you don’t need a tv when you have a laptop and the internet.  So, I totally identify with Chuck.  Not that I am crazy smart covert spy fighting bad guys… although I do identify with this guy who feels like he used to have a normal life and now he has been thrown into a world with lots of risk, pressure and the absence of normalcy.  I know a little dramatic for my life of managing a 3 man office for an A&E firm, although I do day dream of the days in high school when I sold shoes in the mall and my biggest concern was hoping someone would also buy a second item, so my percentage of sales with multiple items would meet my target of 33%. 

I drank 2 americanos at Pete’s, only single shots so don’t be alarmed.  I read through the stack of four SF Business Times that had piled up on my desk and made notes of prospective clients and partners.  I laughed out loud when I read an article about how the economy has to be ok given the continued long lines at Starbucks and potential of caffeine filled Americans. 

And then amazingly even among my recent disillusionment I believe stumbled, this morning, or last night I can’t remember now, upon the answer to a question that I have been chewing on for awhile.  Probably almost 2 years ago in a Vistage working session I drew a timeline of the significant events in my life.  The purpose of the exercise was to understand things that have continued to show up in your life and to follow those signs.  Unfortunately I did not see any patterns that provided clarity about my journey to date.  Then more recently I took a survey for another Vistage meeting which unfortunately I then had to miss the meeting.  Although I had the opportunity to discuss my Predictive Index with the facilitator who proceeded to tell me about myself, my situation, and my general feelings of my dealings at work.  It was phenomenal given the survey did not seem to be enough to provide such understanding to a stranger.  Although he shared with me something that I didn’t know… he said my results showed that there was a disconnect between my capacity and my perception for where I am.  It’s a bit confusing although I understand that I either have or believe I have the capacity to be achieving at one level although my self-concept of where I am currently functioning is lower.  So I have been thinking about that, why do I feel like I could be doing more and still feel so stretched at the same time?  Then it came to… the pattern of my life story, the commonality in some of my favorite memories from my 29 years.  I am still working on the synthesis of my discovery although I think it will help me to shape my future.  Very exciting!

I had a wonderful birthday this year.  I love birthdays, so appropriately acknowledging and celebrating my birthday is important to me.  This year for the unglamorous celebration of 29 it may have been even more important.

My day started out with my wonderful husband getting up and making me breakfast.  And not just my standard high fiber cereal and soy milk – no he made me french toast with berries and eggs.  I guess the pressure is on for his birthday now!

Then at work I was surprised by Reena who brought in a mini cake for the 3 of us to share and they sang happy birthday to me!  That was so sweet.

We ended our day with massages.  I have been there before and have had deep tissue massages where I felt the pain for weeks after.  So I let my guy know it was my birthday and my end goal was relaxation which he nailed.

Then in the evening I spoke to just about everyone in my family and received a birthday wish!  Friends, family, cake, massage – what else could a girl want?!

Lets see other updates, in the last few weeks we also saw 2 movies. 7 pounds – loved it, cried pretty good and didn’t know how it was going to end until the end, I am so gullible at movies I never detect where the movie is headed.  Then yesterday we saw Yes Man – loved it too.  Jim Carey is awesome although the movie only had a hint of his usual goofiness.  It had a great story to tell of being positive with a  little bit of a love story intertwined – a perfect Saturday afternoon treat.

Yesterday we got to see Stef and Don, had lunch with them in Walnut Creek at Maria Maria – a pretty decent Mexican restaurant and window shopped – that was a lot of fun.

Friday night we went line dancing with Jen and Kris – fun.  We learned the couples line dance the Wooden Nickel.  We thought we would be dancing with our guys the entire time, although it turns out the guys rotate, so we all got to sort of meet some other people, it was a fun time.  After the lesson they played music, we stayed danced a bit – it was another birthday celebration for me and I had a great time.

Otherwise things are pretty good.  We had beautiful weather yesterday and we are expecting it to stick around, life is good!

Elliott went to a function tonight in SF and I stayed here told hold down the fort in the East Bay.  When we talked about his plans to go to this event I told him, oh no… dinner by myself and free to do whatever I want, what will I do (filled with sarcasm and anything but a hint of imagined loneliness).

After I dropped him off at the BART station I went by Subway for a meatball sandwhich dinner, alway a good back up plan and I went back to work.  I “worked” only a little.  Cleaned up the piles and moved paper around.  Then I went through some of emails that I tend to save up of things to do.  Like we want to go to a San Jose Earthquakes soccer game, so I had an email reminder in a folder, so I ordered tickets and deleted the email.  I had some SWE business to catch up on so I did that as well.

Soon the minutes faded into another and before I knew it, it was 9pm.  The lights flickered, the automatic building energy managements way of telling me they would be shutting off for good unless I called in with my secret code to override it.  I called in another hour of light but I am not sure if the system is on Colorado time or what but they shut off anyway.  Oh well, the building’s way of telling me to go home, which I did.

On the way I home with my bag of industry journals, business newspapers, and dishes from the office to wash at home (we don’t use paper plates anymore, its a green thing) I realized something.  It is a Friday night.  Elliott went to SF and I stayed at work because lets face it I don’t have anything else to do.

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I awoke at 6:30am this morning no alarm, I have finally caught up on my sleep.  Apparently going to bed around 7pm a few nights in a row does the trick.  I opened the blinds, to assist Elliott in waking up and I grabbed our computer to catch up on the blog world.  Mom had a new post to me so I read it and cried.  When Elliott woke up he asked me if I wasn’t feeling well because I was sniffling, I explained my morning to him.

 Some how between last night and this morning I decided I wanted to do a juice detox I read about in a magazine, I told Elliott I would be doing a weekend juice detox and we was pissed.  He went to Sacramento today for a boys golfing trip and he didn’t want me to experience a detox without him.  After considering his feelings for a few minutes I realized he was pissed because he didn’t want me to lose a pound unless he had the opportunity to lose a pound too.  When confronted with this analysis he admitted it was correct.  We went for a run before he had to leave for Sacramento.  While he showered I walked to the store for the first recipe, he wanted to have at least the first juice with me.  I am working from memory but the shopping list included: beets, spinach, kale, aloe vera gel, carrots, apple, orange… thats all I can remember now.  I asked Elliott if he thought it was an issue that we don’t have a juicer only a blender, as the two produce very different results.  He thought the blender would do fine for the juice diet.  I prepared the foods and placed them in the blender poured 2 giant 8 ounce glasses and smiled because the rule in our house is the person who blends doesn’t have to clean.  Oh and olive oil, how could I forget, the recipe included olive oil.  The juice/smoothie was horrible.  The only good part was watching Elliott’s gag reflex which was hilarious even though I was choking down the same strange juice/smoothie.  Elliott commented that he thought the kale smelled like he does after a run, I said I didn’t think it smelled that bad but it definitely tasted pretty bad.  Elliott eventually left for his trip and I was left to ponder my day.  I showered and made latter made myself a fruit juice, a nice break from the vegetable variety, much better.  I went to Whole Foods to purchase my lunch and dinner items, you have no idea how expensive it is to buy all of these veggies.  I came back home and made a celery, orange, lemon, kale… the rest I have put out of memory juice/smoothie and suprisingly it was even worse that the breakfast smoothie – horrible in fact.

Throughout the day I surfed the internet and read about juicing, detox, raw good diets, even learned about strange things like oil pulling.  Around 3pm I realized it had warmed up outside so I walked across the street with a blanket and magazines and partially watched a girls soccer game, it was really nice to get some sun.  Back at the house 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through my juice detox I aborted the mission and had a spoonful of cashew butter.  I then ate some chips and salsa and started to feel normal again.  I decided to walk to Safeway where I bought a greasy burrito from the deli counter and some bananas.  I then walked to Block Buster and rented the Devil Wears Prada.  Once home I ate the bean burrito and enjoyed every bite.  I still don’t feel quite right, the unfortunate part is now I am not sure if the smoothies or the burrito made me feel bad.  Oh well, I think I can nurse myself back to health with some hearty food tomorrow.  Oh I forgot to mention I also tried a dandelion root tea with lunch, it helps detox the liver or something.

One thing I wanted to mention is while at Safeway the cashiers were really playing up their donate to breast cancer program.  I donate each time I go to the store, I gave this morning when I bought the veggies.  Tonight though they were announcing each donation over the speaker system and crowds of cashiers were clapping and celebrating.  I thanked the cashier and said I thought they were doing a good thing.  He shared with me that the general manager is a breast cancer survivor.  I told him my mom is fighting it right now.  It took everything I had to not break down into tears right there.  A year ago I would have maybe given a dollar, and probably never thought twice.

So I didn’t make it through the weekend detox and for whatever reason today has been an emotional day for me, I guess that is what I get for reading mom’s blog first thing.  Tonight I am going to drown my tears with more toxic food, probably some cereal, and The Devil Wears Prada, spread out in the bed as Elliott will be back tomorrow.