teresa

The itching is back with a vengeance and there isn’t enough Gold Bond in this house to soothe it.  Actually there is no Gold Bond.  After exhaustive internet research the last time this surfaced I read that those soothing lotions can actually make it worse.  Although its so uncomfortable right now that worse later almost seems worth it for better right now.  I have a plan though.  Work out more.  Work less.  Change razors.  Might get a pedicure although I am too embarrassed to have anyone see my bumpy red legs.  I think a massage would be good too although same problem as the pedicure.  And I guess wash the sheets while I am at it.  However as much as I would like to believe it to be an environmental issues I am pretty certain it is stress.  In fact I think I might have developed a second symptom, clenching my teeth…  Oh man.

I do have one other plan for this week.  I am going to try doing just one thing at a time.  In the past I have prided myself on maximum efficiency.  If I was to take out the trash I would also take anything down that needed to go the car and run to the mail too.  If my computer is slow to open a program or save a file I hop over to my email or maybe open up another file to do something else real quick while the other program loads.  Well all this has gone to far.  I have mastered never really focusing on anything.  And at the end of the day when I do my time sheet while I know I got several things done separating out the hours is difficult.  Actually I am testing a program for a friend’s husband that helps people who bill out by hour, like lawyers, track their time by tracking their computer usage by file name.  My log is ridiculous.  There are seconds here and then there, email then drafting program then excel file.  Sorting it all into projects was a 20 minute task, I know because the program told me so.

So today I thought of everything I did as a project.  When I woke up I told myself it was about Project Breakfast.  However I suddenly found myself walking around the house picking things up, putting things away, so I told myself to instead complete Project Clean Up so my mind could focus on the next project.  Then Project Breakfast commenced.  This included tea.  I sat on the opposite side the table from my computer rather than my standard read an email, take a bite breakfast routine.    I worked on one Project Project, work Project, for several hours.  Took one break for Project UnNumb My Bum.  That’s right.  We have been working at our dining room table for months in solid wood chairs.  Elliott has been complaining for weeks about it.  Although it finally caught up with me this week.  My rear end literally feels numb when I get up after a few hours.  So I walked to Starbucks for Project Relax.  Drank a chai tea and read some of my new book about CEO Tools.  Then I decided to do a project on the way home, Project Personal.  I stopped by Barnes & Noble and picked up two things I have been day dreaming about, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Audio and Slow Death by Rubber Duck.

And I worked on what is one of my major projects, Project Bikini.  I am 1 week into a running program.  I have a half marathon in my sights.  And then a full marathon after that!   However for now its one day at a time.  Plus I think this project as I mentioned assists with Project No Itching, have to find a positive way to phrase that.  And when Elliott gets back I am going to work on Project Love.  One of my definite goals is to have deep and meaningful  relationships.  I keep to myself and don’t connect often with many people.  And I think I am going to start by focusing on relationship #1.  Not sure exactly what the actions will be for this project, although I believe complete and undivided attention will help.

Here’s to the sequel being the final in this series.

Thursday of this week I went to the monthly CREW (Commercial Real Estate Women) lunch in Walnut Creek.  Upon leaving the meeting I remembered I wanted to run by the Downtown Walnut Creek Business Association to see if they had any posters of downtown Walnut Creek.  Tomorrow, Saturday, we are holding an outreach program for high school girls to introduce them to careers in commercial real estate.  Our subject property, proposed to be redeveloped, is in Downtown Walnut Creek so I was hoping to find a cool poster with info about the surrounding attractions.

So I google map navigated myself to the building a few blocks from the lunch location.  I turned the corner and looked for a place to park and pulled into a space on the street.  The spaces were at any angle, neither perpendicular nor paralell to the sidewalk.  As I pulled into my space I saw a man with the hatch of his truck down in the space immediately next to me on the driver’s side and he was gingerly sharpening a large knife.  It was quite a frightening sight for a split second.  The only time I see people with knives that large is either on the food channel or while watching Dexter.  I paused for a moment as the knife made two or three more passes on the sharpener and my mind tried to understand which one of these things didn’t belong.  Eventually my eyes made their way to the lettering on the side of the truck “Mobile Knife Sharpening”.  Relief.

I got out of the car and couldn’t but nearly giggle at the man sharpening knifes on the street.  I quickly said something I am sure original like, “Ya, that’s not creepy”.  He laughed and said well the company description on the car normally helps.  And I replied yes indeed it does, when part of me thought it was more likely just a really good cover for a mass murder like Dexter.  The knife sharpener turned up his creepy, horror flick charm and with a monster style giggle  proceeded to sharpen his knife as if a really good member of a haunted house act.  I laughed at the entire situation and escaped to gather my downtown map.  He handed me a company brochure  and told me I had a nice smile.  Quite a nice mobile knife sharpening guy!

I meet with a group monthly in Pleasanton.  The group is organized by a retired  CEO of a large paint company.  His name is Joe.  I think he is one of my favorite people.  Out of the kindness of his heart he organizes this group that gathers monthly for about 90 minutes.  He always has a topic, often an article of some sort we all read before hand and discuss.  He has some dynamite people in the group that appear to be part of an even smaller group of mentees that I am working to break into.  At any rate last month he announced that we would be reading the book the Slight Edge.  I promptly picked up the book and started my reading.  For February we are to have read 3 chapters.  Well I finished the book already.  It was great.  I am definitely going to read it again I liked it that much and at that time I going to distill out my favorite quotes and make a one sheet I can refer to when I need a boost.  Some of the lessons I really enjoyed are the following:

• Your salary is typically the average of the people you are friends with, a more specific way of saying what my father and I think his parents said which is: ask me who I am and I will tell you who my friends are.
• Generally the slight edge is about harnessing the power of small, seemingly insignificant steps, that over time result in huge successes (compounding interest).  The author posits that the slight edge works in both positive and negative directions.  So for instance one cheese burger will not make you fat, although a cheese burger once a week for a few years will probably add some pounds.  Conversely he suggests reading 10 pages of a positive self improving book each day, overtime gaining the knowledge and energy from those books will improve your life.
• Plant, cultivate, harvest.  In our society there seems to be a need for immediate results, the slight edge is about knowing that taking the steps will provide the results although never immediately.
• Write down your goals and refer to them often – this is the one part that I will be working on.  I have my goals.   They are written and they are in a pile of papers I haven’t taken the time to look at.  That is not right, my goals are so important that I want to focus on them each day so I can take baby steps towards achieving them.

So now I am reading a Kabbalah and Business book that some how I purchased a while back.  I think it was one of those Amazon suggestions, people who bought this book (which I think was The Starfish and the Spider which I haven’t read yet) also bought… and in order to receive Super Saver Shipping I ordered it, the title is True Prosperity.  I am really enjoying it.  I think Elliott is afraid that I am going to drift off into a cult somewhere never to return as myself.  However I like the way the book is presented.  I do not know if their way of thinking is right or true although I think the idea provides a good way at looking at life’s struggles, and stress and fear.  The first few pages of the book they talk about a persons desired to be fulfilled and that caught my eye as that is my word for this year, fulfilled with balance – those are my goals in a nutshell.  Anyway the book goes on to say what most people achieve is success with side effects.  I think that the slight edge talks about that as well.  That often executives may be very successful at work although have not found balance with their family.  I think that is success with side effects.  The slight edge is about taking baby steps in all important categories of your life which the author of the slight edge suggests are: health, personal development, relationships, finances, and life overall (with a focus on purpose).  Back to Prosperity another part of this book is about being at the cause of your life rather that at the effect of it.  My Vistage chair talks a lot about this, the book refers to it as being the boss of your life.  The book also talks about the effect of the ego.  The book describes ego as an illusion or a fake self.  I think that is interesting, I think that in general people use ego to protect themselves although ultimately I think that it ends up shielding us from really connecting with others.

Here are some of my favorite quotes/ideas from the slight edge:

• In talking about not fearing failure: Babe Ruth set a world record for home runs, he also led the league in strikeouts.
• There is never anything but today.
• Success is not a random accident.
• For you scientists: a body at rest tends to stay at rest, a body in motion tends to remain in motion.
• Results come last.
• My all time favorite: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.

I am certainly not perfect.  I have made some of the slight edge steps in my life already.  Mostly related to personal development by reading.  I do think more about what I eat.  I haven’t yet committed to exercise on a regular basis.  I blame it on the weather.  Although I think the slight edge says something about successful people live a life of responsibility so I take responsibility for my lack of exercise and I desperately want to improve in that category.  And then I have relationships to tackle.  At any rate I am motivated and excited to focus on my goals and achieve fulfillment and balance in 2010.

It is coming up on my/our birthday week.  Elliott at first was seemingly annoyed at my insistence of having a birthday week, now though he has settled into the idea and said tonight I will make dinner, you sit down and Facebook or something, your birthday week can start early.   What a guy.

I can’t believe I am going to be 30.  I was listening to a song I used to listen to in high school, Strawberry Wine, and there is a line in there when she sings I can still remember when 30 was old, ain’t that the truth.  I don’t feel like I am 18 anymore although I certainly don’t feel old.  Not that 30 is old although it is certainly through a large chunk of my life.

Although I can honestly say this was the age I always looked forward to being and so far it is good.  2010 is looking to be a great year for us.  Our house is set to be sold in the next few weeks.  I think many of you know we are going through a short sale, I don’t try to hide that fact.  That is an unfortunate although necessary part of us losing our jobs in 2009.  When the house is sold it will just about complete that chapter of our life.  We are looking to move in March to a place where we can have a dog, a goal we have had for awhile.  And if that works well, ie we don’t kill it and we don’t hate being tied down, I think 2011 will be the year we look to start a family.

Work is good.  We are solid with work.  We haven’t been able to pay ourselves yet although we should be able to be fluid enough to pay ourselves in the next few months.

Elliott and I have continued to develop our goals and vision for our life.  We recently discussed our personal and company goals.  Our over arching life goals are to seek fulfillment and balance.  That includes time with family and friends.  Professional success.  Enough wealth to retire at a reasonable age.  Health and time for exercise.  I feel good about understanding what it is we wish to fill our lives with and seeking to achieve it.

Elliott right now is working out as I blog.  It is too funny, he is doing pull up in the doorway.  I am proud of him for working out.  I am working out my feelings and sharing, all important right?  Now I am going to work on my poetry book.  A goal I have had for over 10 years.  I wrote a lot of poetry when I was younger, middle school through high school I think.  I have always wanted to compile them into a book.  And I figure its never too late.  So I have been working on compiling my old poems.  I am pretty excited about it.  The title of my book will be something like “The poetic diary of a tragic middle school girl”.  More to come!

I normally pride myself on being cool, calm and collected at least on the outside.  I think I have gotten that down so much that it has almost gone too far.  Although that’s how I have decided to cope in the business world, fake it till you make it.  Not that I fake it to the point of being irresponsible although I do put on a front of organized and collected when I may not exactly feel that way.

Lately though my stress has in my opinion begun to manifest itself on my physical form.  I have had for quite a while an eye twitch that seems to come and go with stress, eyelid twitch to be exact.  Although recently I have developed an itch for stress.  That is I have areas on my skin that are dry and itchy.  Now it may very well be something else, bed bugs, diet, some skin disease, who knows although I think it is largely attributed to stress.  It started right before we were laid off and recently has gotten worse.  It is embarrassing, which is why I am mentioning it here, some how it makes me feel better to be honest and air this embarrassing fact in this very public forum without actually having to hear or see someone’s reaction to my deformity.  The other day I swear I barely scratched but I managed to take off a little chunk of skin on my shin and cause a scab.   I think the worst part is on my shins although I have other spots of it too.

Fortunately I do not have it on my face.  Although I have found myself sneaking a scratch of an armpit during a meeting and this is certainly not in line with my preferred outward appearance.  I thought it would go away.  And until the scab it was not really outwardly noticeable, minus the need to scratch every now and then.

Now I am resolved to do something.  Until now I was not motivated enough to give up my hot-hot showers although reading on-line I think that is one thing I can do that might help.  Also I have never been much a fan of lotion although I am lathering up after my shower as well.  I will also work to drink more water.  I think however I will draw the line at buying a humidifier.  Oh, and I think at this point I am also going to go see a doctor.   Anyway, I had an itch to get this of my chest and out in the open.