teresa

Do you choose to live by choice or be a happenstance of chance?

Today I found my second wind to re-engage.  To dig in.  To fight for market share.  Beg for work.  Compete fiercely with my competitors.  I am not going down without a fight.  I do not want to be naive to these tough times although I chose to do what I can to find a way to survive… and maybe even thrive.  And if all is for not, if I do have to put my resume out into the world I can sit at an interview and comfortably confess I am a fighter.  A do-er.  Committed to the cause.  Driven to succeed. 

What will I need to keep motivated?  coffee.  baroque music.  elliott’s strength.  and stamps. 

Purposely wistful, silly and random.  Yours truly Iron Teresa!

Today I awoke out of the doldrums.  I knew February was going to be a tough month although I didn’t know it would literally take it until March 1 for me to find my shine.

This morning when I finally got out of bed and showered I went to put on my wedding ring and I realized I hadn’t cleaned it in probably months.  I soaked it, brushed it, and washed it off to expose its sparkle.  I had been too busy to do this pretty simple task.  I noticed it wasn’t shining anymore although I just didn’t even stop to remember I had the power to fix it.  My attitude had been closely tracking the condition of my ring.  I think I have finally emerged from my stupor.  What is my equivalent to soaking, brushing and a good wash you ask….

First of all I said no to the ridiculous idea of spending 3-4 hours traveling to a 4 hour meeting today.  I should have gone, I was supposed to go, although it was not what I needed today.  So instead I vegged last night and this morning and I watched more episodes than I care to admit of Chuck.  This is my new favorite show.  I know pretty impressive for someone who doesn’t own a tv, problem is you don’t need a tv when you have a laptop and the internet.  So, I totally identify with Chuck.  Not that I am crazy smart covert spy fighting bad guys… although I do identify with this guy who feels like he used to have a normal life and now he has been thrown into a world with lots of risk, pressure and the absence of normalcy.  I know a little dramatic for my life of managing a 3 man office for an A&E firm, although I do day dream of the days in high school when I sold shoes in the mall and my biggest concern was hoping someone would also buy a second item, so my percentage of sales with multiple items would meet my target of 33%. 

I drank 2 americanos at Pete’s, only single shots so don’t be alarmed.  I read through the stack of four SF Business Times that had piled up on my desk and made notes of prospective clients and partners.  I laughed out loud when I read an article about how the economy has to be ok given the continued long lines at Starbucks and potential of caffeine filled Americans. 

And then amazingly even among my recent disillusionment I believe stumbled, this morning, or last night I can’t remember now, upon the answer to a question that I have been chewing on for awhile.  Probably almost 2 years ago in a Vistage working session I drew a timeline of the significant events in my life.  The purpose of the exercise was to understand things that have continued to show up in your life and to follow those signs.  Unfortunately I did not see any patterns that provided clarity about my journey to date.  Then more recently I took a survey for another Vistage meeting which unfortunately I then had to miss the meeting.  Although I had the opportunity to discuss my Predictive Index with the facilitator who proceeded to tell me about myself, my situation, and my general feelings of my dealings at work.  It was phenomenal given the survey did not seem to be enough to provide such understanding to a stranger.  Although he shared with me something that I didn’t know… he said my results showed that there was a disconnect between my capacity and my perception for where I am.  It’s a bit confusing although I understand that I either have or believe I have the capacity to be achieving at one level although my self-concept of where I am currently functioning is lower.  So I have been thinking about that, why do I feel like I could be doing more and still feel so stretched at the same time?  Then it came to… the pattern of my life story, the commonality in some of my favorite memories from my 29 years.  I am still working on the synthesis of my discovery although I think it will help me to shape my future.  Very exciting!