I don’t count
The last few weeks have continued to be funny. Things are just not right. I told Elliott I don’t feel human. That about sums it up. So I decided that perhaps a good cry is what I need so I self prescribed this weekend to be a Steel Magnolias movie weekend. Elliott suggested City of Angles, sounds like a crying marathon to me. Not sure if it will work although at this point I am happy to try something to get out of this funk.
A few funny things happened last week to punctuate my days. I called my mom on her birthday and we chatted for a bit. I said so you guys are going to dinner and she said yes I am going to dinner with all my children…. I said all but me?! I guess not living there I just don’t really count as part of all of the children. I know she didn’t mean it and I shouldn’t have let it bother me, although it was just a reminder that I am now what Kathi used to be. That the family can indeed all get together without me there and still celebrate that ‘everyone’ was able to get together. And maybe someone will say too bad Teresa couldn’t be here, and then someone else might add, can you pass the salt. Sad.
Then after recovering from that I talked with Krista who informed me that ‘everyone’ in the family voted for John McCain. Once again, I guess I don’t count. I joked with Elliott that I have become that crazy Californian who probably thinks gay people should be able to marry and chickens spread there wings at egg farms too.
Then to top it off I fell asleep after Elliott last night reading my book. I woke up what felt like 5 minutes later with the light on and my alarm blarring. It seemed like a bad dream. How could I feel so horrible and had slept all night. Answer, leave the light on trick your brain into thinking you are sleeping during the day. I looked like a Silicon Valley computer program who had stayed up all night programming some really cool google application. Red eyed and confused.
November 14th, 2008 at 4:17 am
Hey T, I can relate to not being part of “everyone in the family” and being sad, but then my crazy sister calls or worse my mom calls to tell me what happened with a crazy sister & Voila — all sadness is replaced by realization that I’m not sucked into the everyday craziness of family — just during the holidays.
A good book to read if you’re looking for a cry is about a dog (which is all I read now) “The art of racing in the rain”. It use to be sold at starbucks, but they’ve moved on. It’s written from the perspective of the dog, so it’s super interesting if you’re a dog person, it’s funny & sad & once you get started you’ll want to see how it ends. You can easily finish it in a lazy weekend if you have nothing else to occupy your time with. & then there is always “The Notebook”, the last chapter will make you sob, it ends differently then the movie.
I miss you, — Deb
November 16th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Thanks to Deb for putting a positive spin on not living near the family…When I made that comment, I was relating more to my own situation right now…not thinking about how it would sound to you…I meant…no grandchildren, no in-laws, no significant other…as so many other birthdays have been celebrated. I was wistful myself thinking about, among other things, last year’s birthday was celebrated by having my last chemo treatment…on my 19th birthday your father gave me a topaz-birthstone ring, and now we are so far apart…so my own sentimental birthday thoughts affected the comment I made to you…Sorry about that…
November 18th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Oh man, okay so not everyone in the family voted for McCain – not you – and not me!!! I know you are just being sensitive – let me think what makes me feel better when I get into that kind of funk – there is bikram yoga, mariah carey, the gym – crap, that’s all I got.
I hope you are feeling better! Can’t wait to see you. Love you.