teresa

Night before the wedding….

Well you can be sure the house is picked up and everything is organized!  I thank Elliott for his patience with my neuroses lately.  I believe my grandmother said there’s a place for everything and everything in its place.  Well that has been me the last few weeks.  I have been busy busy organizing.  From the spice rack to the book shelf everything is clean and orderly.  In fact I am doing laundry right now, that is how sick I am.

Today we had a wonderful picnic with our family and friends at Emeryville.  It was a little entertaining because Elliott and I are in shorts and t-shirts because it has been 90 degrees in Pleasanton the last few days and as we are driving out to the Marina Park in Emeryville getting closer and closer to the water Elliott realized he didn’t bring a jacket (neither did I), and he always has a jacket, so much so that I often tease him and call it his man purse.  We got out of the car and burr it was cold and the wind was just blowing.  We sat at some picnic tables and I finally wrapped myself up in a blanket I was so cold….  Finally someone, Kaye or Debra suggested we try the other side of the peninsula to get out of the wind.  After a couple of moves we did finally make it to a group of tables that was blocked just perfectly.  We didn’t have the same view of the city and bridges, but at least the weather was quite pleasant.  We enjoyed a snack and watched the kids get to know each other, which was perhaps one of my favorite parts of the picnic.  Its funny not being a mom because you are no where near as cautious as the parents.  At one point I saw a bridge so I suggested the kids go over to throw rocks and sticks off the bridge (which went to a boat dock).  The parents stood up straight and all separately and without coordination were concerned that the kids could slip through the guardrail and fall into the water.  Horrible but that didn’t even cross my mind as I round up the kiddies to run out onto the foot bridge.  But I guess that’s what aunts are for.

After the picnic we went to get our nails done.  The salon is a little funny I would call the guy who runs it a little up-tight, perhaps if Seinfeld were still on who the main nail guy could take on the soup guy.  Krista and I had appts but Stef and Julie didn’t so they couldn’t get in to get their nails done….  It was great that Stef, Don, Julie and little Katie made it to the picnic at all, they were at the whim of Katie and she was trouper and made it after the long ride from Reno.

Before I go too far I will share that we did share some rather sad exchanges at the picnic.  First Don was very aloof and was acting funny and finally Stef told me that one of his coworkers just passed away, I think on Thursday.  Don had gone to his house to check on him because he was not at work and it sounded like he called the cops to break into his house and they found him dead.  He was young, 40’s with 2 kids, just not right.

And then Julie says that her ex-boyfriend Tim broke his leg a few weeks ago.  And after he went home some of the bone marrow got into his blood stream and somehow that caused fluid in his lungs and he was I think in a coma because of oxygen deprivation…  What the heck.  He broke his legs playing soccer, enjoying life one minute and then in the hospital the next minute in a coma.  I think he is doing better but still will have a lot of recovery. 

These were sad reminders that life is fragile.  I am and have been reading the book the Denial of Death for a long time.  I picked it back up again and am working on finishing it now.  It talks a lot about how we fill our lives with problems and concerns so that we can redirect our true and over arching fear of death.  And I think what the book has taught me that in order to come to grips with the fact that you will die you ultimately become crazy.  So its a good thing to be distracted.  But then we also have to balance filling our lives with potentially unmeaningful experiences and material goods searching for protection from our fear of death.  AND sometimes that fear of death manifests itself in things that leads us to not live life as fully, which is ironic.  For instance some people develop a fear of germs.  They wash and wash their hands, and with this might think that if they avoid germs maybe the will live longer.  But in the meantime the probably cannot enjoy other joys in life like kissing a little kid who has buggers all over their face, or going to a ball game, or riding the BART into the city for a nice dinner.

So this weekend and all weekends and weeks I hope, pray, dream, wish, whatever to stay grounded, and to celebrate the wonderful, fear just a little, not focus on fear or death, but allow it to remind me that life is too short and all of our time is precious.

With that let me recount what else I remember of the day.  So after the nail salon Krista, a very relaxed and accommodating MOH says its ok to run the one errand I really wanted to run before the rehearsal dinner which we were pretty much already running late too.  But I will fess up here because only Mom and Elliott will likely read this entire blog I had one last gift to get for the girls.  I ordered maracas for the bridesmaids weeks ago.  And not until a week or so ago I realized they hadn’t arrived yet, so I called and I will recount all the drama but they were supposedly resent twice and never made it on Thursday the last chance I had for them to arrive.  So today, Friday I was on a mission to find 5 pairs of maracas, which is not an easy task but I did it, I found a music store in Oakland which carried the Maracas so Krista and I on the way home go to this music store.  Well we found it but then I drove past it and then was looking for parking when Susan calls and says she has a problem.  Dad had come in by bus and was at the greyhound station and didn’t have a ride.  They were originally going to pick him up but they were delayed.  Well turns out the station was minutes from the music store.  Krista had even seen the greyhound sign as we were driving around - totally weird.  So we go get Dad and then go back and park.  I run into the the music store and am able to complete my gift to the girls, thank goodness.

We then drive to the rehearsal, but we did have to stop for gas cause the light was on and while I would have normally pushed the car to the limits Krista suggested to just take the 5 mins and get the gas.  So we are almost to Pleasanton and we realized that we are going to pick up mom and we have dad in the car and unfortunately mom and dad are not really talking right now.  So we say we are going to get mom and dad in the back seat says what?….

But it worked out ok and they were civil to each other.  We were nonetheless late to the rehearsal what else could you expect from me?

We did the walk thru a couple of times and good thing, I think it is more complicated than you would think and its good for everyone to learn about their role and practice.

Then we came back to our house.  I changed and wrapped the gifts which was an ordeal and the worst wrapping job I have ever done.  I went to the pool and club house and started mingling as John would say.  After a bit Elliott and I say one of should call and check on the food, turns out they didn’t have our order.  The 3rd party website we had to order through online said they had the order for Saturday not Friday.  I have a hard time believing I could have screwed that up but it is entirely possible.  Anyway we got our goof out early so we don’t need to have a goof now tomorrow.  We reordered food and they brought it over pretty quick which was really nice of them.  We had pizza and pasta and not enough forks!  We ate every last bit of food and have more alcohol left over than we know what to do with, that shows where our priorities are, make sure we have enough booze at the party!

So at the end we got together.  Everyone introduced themselves.  The bridesmaids shared some funny stories in the fashion of a roast which was all too perfect and was hilarious and that was about it.  I am not sure who cleaned up but whoever it was I thank them eternally because the place was pretty spotless.  We brought the booze up and Elliott left, you know just wouldn’t be right staying together the night before the wedding.  The worst part is I think most of those jerks were going to go out after they left.  Meet at a party and continue the party while I am left to get “beauty sleep” yay right.   So what do I do, laundry, clean, blog and work on a toast that I am not sure I will even give tomorrow anyway.  But at least I am prepared.

Hey on a side note I did want to comment on how it is interesting to me that when you are getting married you get yourself in tip top condition.  I mean I am thinner than I have been in awhile, my teeth are whiter, my skin smoother, hair longer, skin tanner.  Its ridiculous.  Its like prom but for adults.  So can it only go downhill from here?  Will I be able to keep it up?  Will I want to? 

Oh and the flowers, I forgot to share about the flowers.  They came in Thursday.  I had to run them home to put them in the fridge per the instructions to return to work receive a call from the flower company to find out they shouldn’t go in the fridge.  So we have 65 flowers (no I didn’t count them but that does sound like something fanatical I would do) spread out all tied and organized, beautiful really, in water spread out in the house and the air conditioning turned down to 70 degrees because they said 60-75 degrees was perfect for them and the fridge is apparently too cold.

Ok the drama begins or continues.  My phone just rang (its midnight) and it was my brother informing that he didn’t think he should come to the wedding tomorrow because him and mom exchanged words and I am not sure what happened but he didn’t think he should come to the wedding.  He sounded upset.  I offered to come there if he wanted someone to talk to but he said he was ok.  I said he should wait to see about coming to the wedding tomorrow and that maybe he could keep his distance from mom and it would be ok.  Not sure what happened exactly but I think it involved a bar and some stools…  So we hung up and what did I do.  I called the MOH (maid of honor, Ms Krista) and I tattled on Jay for calling me so late the day before or technically the day of our big day!  Krista, as an experienced MOH would, told me everything was fine and there was nothing wrong.  I told her he called me and it certainly didn’t sound like everything was ok.  And she again said everything was fine.  I said you are just saying that.  She said no I would tell you if it wasn’t fine.  She had been there during the argument and although wasn’t part of it I would trust that if it looked like a big blow up that she would have caved and admitted the extent of the drama.  She said she would call Jay to make sure everything was ok.  Which she says she did and he said they would talk about it tomorrow.  Good enough for now I suppose. 

Well let the games begin.  I am going to watch some tv now, which is a perfect distraction from reality.  Good night.  Next time I sign on I will be married, how exciting!