teresa

Today Elliott and I went to visit Mr. Flynn a coworker who has been at home recovering from a rather traumatic series of events.  Mr. Flynn is a wonderful older man, architect, stubborn, opinionated, passionate, artistic and practical (the last pair is hard to come by).

His wit matched his standard fair.  When I called him to ask if we could come visit he said one of his classic lines.  I asked how are you doing, he said I am still on the green side of the grass.  I said well that’s good - he said I think so too.

Glad to be on the green side of the grass even after a horrible bout with blood clots, internal bleeding, swelling, horrible fevers, many days in the hospital and more in physical therapy and he has more to endure.  He shared his stories with us, I can’t repeat them as craftily detailed as he did or as dramatic as he mustered from his recliner, cane in hand using it as a pointer for emphasis at times.

We shared stories not only of his recent battles but also of great scientists, Newton and Archimedes.  We talked of the show myth busters and the trebuchet, and canons shooting chickens (I had heard something about this once before - it has something to do with thawing the chickens).  We talked about work and told stories of climbing of ladders to look at roofs - he has some great stories.

He told us about his compression socks to keep the swelling down in his legs, and how they were doing their job.  He said I don’t know why you women would wear these things - referring to pantyhose, I explained to him that’s why I don’t wear dresses - god bless Elliott for loving me anyway.  His sister apparently developed an important pairing with pantyhose, they were concerned that he might tear holes in the compression stocking pulling them on so his sister recommended rubber gloves, apparently rubber gloves drastically assist in stretching on the wretched things - helpful information if I ever have to wear a dress!

He talked a little bit about his wife, who passed away a few years ago, he has talked about her before, but I never asked many questions.  He talks about her with such a great fondness and love - that is truly admirable.  He said I will think of her and love her everyday until I leave this place.  At one point in the conversation he mentioned she eventually died after the cancer spread to her brain - I am sure Elliott knew what question was coming.  I eventually asked where the cancer started - breast cancer, I knew it.  It is unbelievable how many people have been touched by cancer, particularly breast cancer.  He said before she died she wasn’t scared; she said many people had gone before her.  During that part of the conversation he also used the saying that I find grounding yet of no real positive value which is no one gets out of here alive.

The most amazing part is this man who has seen so much and has just lived through a total hell, fighting for his life in the hospital is continuing to fight.  He shared with us how the day before he had walked farther than any day yet - he had made it down the street to the cul-de-sac.  He said when he returned back to his drive way we wasn’t sure he could make it back in the house - but he did.  He was so proud.  He planned to increase his 3 daily walks to 4 in hopes of coming back to work soon.  Back to work only until he has saved up enough to retire to his cabin in Colorado.  He used the words he still has more to do.  He showed us jewelry he is making, one piece for his little sister.  He pointed to numerous pieces of what many would call junk on his porch that were unfinished projects, mostly for other people.  We all have unfinished projects -don’t we?  One more book we want to read, movie we want to see, lesson we want to learn or teach.  Dollar we want to spend, trip we want to take, goal we want to meet, car we want to drive.  I think his desire to live has kept him alive through everything.  He reminds me of mom, a little stubborn, able to laugh at the process, telling more details at times than I wanted to know (mom he has a story about his catheter that must go in your book someday), a passion for knowledge - and sharing it with others, and a lot more to do.

There is no sympathy in our house. Mom, thank god dad and your kids are more sympathetic to you than Elliott and I are to each other. I remember one time Elliott had a stomach bug, I was sleeping soundly while he was in the bathroom throwing up, hitting the floor in disgust - disgust of his feelings and disgust of his girlfriend who wouldn’t get out of bed to fetch him a cool wash cloth. All I could think was could he stop making so much noise, at least one of us should get a good night sleep…Well fortunately we have grown a little more helpful to each other. Yesterday we had a nice day, packed some boxes, did laundry, and met with a painter to discuss sprucing up the house. We spent some time with the Goodwin’s, the youngest - Conner was playful as always, I got to feed him and make him laugh - always such a treat. We then went to Walden’s - my favorite. I enjoyed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a vanilla chai w/ soy. I couldn’t eat the whole sandwich so Elliott ate the other half, my appetitive has been pretty low, not sure why (perhaps the title of this blog provides an idea). Then Elliott continued to read Cradle to Cradle an interesting book discussing recycling and green design and the future of our planet and its inhabitants. The authors talk a lot about the chemicals and heavy metals that are built into our surroundings; its no wonder cancer is so common. I studied LEED, Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design. As I told mom Elliott and I studied for this test which is to become an accredited professional. The exam tests your understanding of the LEED rating system developed for environmentally friendly building design, Elliott passed first try, I didn’t - proof he is smarter than me - at least “book” smarter. Anyway determined to pass I have continued to study. Awhile after sitting in the sun and reading I started to feel cold, Elliott obliged and retrieved my sweat shirt from the car, he brought his as well which I draped over my legs. Eventually I was shivering - I couldn’t make it stop. Still feeling kind he got me a chamomile tea to heat me up, it didn’t help. We eventually left, I asked him to take the freeway to go home because that route goes by the hospital so if needed we could just swing by the ER. Still cold, with a headache, a little scared, and stubborn I didn’t want to go to the ER, but I have never felt like this before. We did go home, and I went straight to bed. I was awake for at least an hour or two, shivering. Then later I woke up sweating, Elliott did what I should have years ago when was sick and made me a cool cloth for my forehead. The rest of the night I think I was only hot - no more shivers.
At one point in the night Elliott looked on WebMD asking me “what are your symptoms again”. Cold, shivering, my joints hurt: back and neck, I feel tingly on my arms at times. One of the suggestions WebMD provided was general anxiety disorder another was syphilis - not sure which one I wanted more. General anxiety disorder more pissed me off then anything else, Elliott said it was reported to last 10-15 minutes, 2-3 hours into this feeling I wasn’t amused. This morning I feel better, still a little weird but better. I have scheduled a massage for this afternoon, I think that will help. Could it be stress? Maybe I should stop drinking coffee? Was it the margaritas I had last night? Maybe sun exposure? Perhaps my body is revolting from soy milk? And maybe it was just stress. I think I will take a break from studying LEED. Unfortunately I can’t take a break from moving that is happening this week - ready or not.

Mom asked an interesting question the other day, is it whether you win or lose OR how you play the game?  Elliott said that only losers use the saying its how you play the game.  But then again Elliott is harder on himself than anyone I have ever met.  In the context that mom used it I would say we are all losers (and I suppose depending upon your faith some end up being winners).  My doctor said it so well a few weeks ago, she said even with all of the advances in medicine, the mortality rate is still 100%.  That makes me think that it is how you play the game, for how long and for how well, a blend of quantity and quality would be ideal.  The thing is, aside from making healthy decisions (eating well, being attentive while driving, etc) the quantity part is really of out of our hands.  Although quality is within our control.  So mom I think you have it right, god did give us tears, to keep our eyes from drying out, and as an emotional outlet when we need it, but you can choose to spend your days crying or filling them with all of the quality you can muster.  And as our family has demonstrated quality is up to interpretation, everyone seems to go about it in their own way, and not all of us may understand or agree with others approach but that is ok, as long as we agree with our own, and make corrective measures when needed.

For me quality means visiting for Mother’s Day this weekend.  I have a SWE function on Saturday that I have to attend in Chico, but I will be there Sunday, leaving Monday morning.  It will be a great Mother’s Day, see you all soon!

Elliott will not be coming, he’s going to spend Mother’s day with his mum, although he looks forward seeing you all soon.  We would like to visit for 4th of July.  Which is unfortunately on a Wednesday.  Can the family shift the annual fireworks show to the weekend, either before or after the 4th so we can attend?  Also, Live Free or Die Harder is coming out, this is a must see for the family, yippie kiya.  Let’s get one of the planners on this so we can book our tickets soon and save some cash.  Otherwise after May 25 you are all welcome to come visit us in CA, we don’t have a spare bedroom but we have a really nice couch!

My first half marathon, it was a great run, best one of my life perhaps.

The run was set to start at 6:45 am under the Reno arch, it was brisk, and runners were everywhere.  I stretched, went to the bathroom, walked around, went to the bathroom, ran into a friend, Karen Purcell, stretched, and well you guessed it, pre-race jitters.

The marathon runners who were supposed to have left already were still around, there was a delay, they had issues with the course.  I think that means someone forgot to set up the course, the miles of cones to protect the runners had perhaps been forgoten, that is my theory at least.  Finally, cold and done going to the bathroom I wandered into the nearby Harrah’s hotel for warmth, not a unique idea, runners were spraweld everywhere, many looking rather frustrated.

I can understand their impatience.  I had wandered out of bed, ate a banana, forgotten my bib, did a U turn, returned home, drank a little water parked and walked to the start line hoping for a good day.  The real runners, the marathon runners, had likely been planning this moment for days.  Every action leading to the exact minute when they expected to start, taking shots of goo and water, planning for an energized day.  The delay ended up being over an hour, which probably worked well because the goo had probably warn off.

I mosied my way to almost the back of the line, I have read its good for your confidence to run past people from the back, than to start in the front and watch runner after runner stream past you.  I ended up in a pack of run-walkers.  These are people who run and then walk and then when they have rested they run a bit more, you get the idea.  I am a walk-runner.  I run at a pace that could be confused with a walk, but its actually a run, and I stay at the past almost all day, so as it turns out I play boomerang with the run-walkers all day, which was ok.  At times I knew Krista could have speed walked circles around me, but I was ok with it, determined to finish strong I settled into a comfortable pace.

Between miles 2 and 3 my friend from work, Monica snapped a photo of me, then she was nice enough to take my sweaty long sleeved shirt which had done its job but was no longer needed.  Unfortunately it also housed my chapstick and one thing of goo.  On the bright side I still had another thing of goo (a better flavor anyway - chocolate) and my car keys which was an extra bonus.

I kept thinking this is just another nice Sunday run.  Thats the advice that Roman gave me before the race.  Roman is a friend of Megan’s, a friend from Toastmasters who I ran into in Harrah’s.  Megan is a stud, she recently quit her job, has been doing marathons and triatholons.  She told me she also wrote and illustrated a kids book, me and mom will have to check it out.  She said it is about a lady who decides to slow down and enjoy life - I can’t wait to see it.

So back to the run, I did walk a little.  At the base of the windy hill I decided to walk instead of endure the embarcement of how slow my walk-run would look going up a hill.  There was an aid station at the top I refueld and started running.  The route continued out only about a mile or two before looping back over windy hill and ending under the Reno sign downtown.

At about mile 10 I had a burst of energy, picking up my pace and leaving the run-walkers in my dust.  Mile 11 or so was not so kind.  I walked for a bit, edging my way towards an aid station before finishing strong down Virginia.

My pains were suprising small.  After mile 11 multilple parts of my body did start to hurt.  At one point the bottom of my feet hurt and I thought, that will make an interesting blister.  In my mind I told myself, good work, you said the aweful word blister.  Turns out the only blisters are on my middle toes - odd.  My knees hurt a little, my stomach, just about everything hurt, but as I ran I thought about the pain, didn’t dwell on it and eventually they all went away.

After a shower and a couple of hours of recovery I felt like I could have run a few more miles.  Today my knee is a little achy, but the pride of having finished my first half marathon far surpases achy.

The best part, I will definitely do another one.  Next time I hope to be faster.  My time this year, 2:34, not bad.  Only 43 in my division, out of 50, at least I wasn’t last.  The fastest in my division finished in 1:32, that would be nice!  My goal is to finish in 2:11 next time!  Maybe I can convince Krista to do the next one with me!  She can show those run-walkers what a fast paced walk really looks like.

I sat for so long today that my legs are sore.  That doesn’t make any sense… its not that I ran, swam or otherwise over extended myself, in fact I so under extended myself that my muscles are revolting.  Probably not a great idea that I skipped my runs this week, well I think I ran and swam on Monday but other than that my training schedule has been collecting dust.  I wonder how that will work out for my half marathon on Sunday?  Perhaps I have discovered a new plan.  Train for 10 weeks, take the last week off, and then run 13 miles, well thats my plan at least.  I keep visualizing myself picking up the pace the last 1/2 mile running past the finish line with a big smile on my face, feeling strong.  Or my other option is to walk when I get tired and run when I can, I figure either way I can finish its just a matter of is it going to take me 2 hours or 3.  If my knees ache, my mouth goes dry, orI don’t want to go on, I will think of mom and her battle andthe finish line she is running towards and know that my aches are small and my challenges fabricated.

Mom you have been so strong lately, we are all so proud of you.  Just know that we will still be proud of you on the days that are hard.  We love you, we will be your strength when you are weak.